The Young Domestic

The other day while busy at work harassing people for money raising scholarship dollars for students in need, I spoke with a very sweet elderly gentleman. One of the main goals in my job is to build rapport with each prospect in each call, and this conversation in particular was going very smoothly. He asked me what my major was and then what I wanted to do after graduation and after giving my generic response he caught me off guard with this one:

"SO are you looking for a husband then? 

................

"Are you planning to get married after school?"

........

I understand that he was just curious and that he could have easily been my grandfather in this moment, but seriously? kill me.

"OH ha-ha. Well, I suppose that's on my to-do list somewhere.....ha ha. Very far down. Like AFTER graduation, and a job...you know the usual....!"

"Well because after college it gets so difficult to find a good lasting relationship! Where are you going to meet guys once you're out in New York? Well I s'pose theatre deals with a lot of people, so maybe you'll have some connections there in that world.......but you'll be starting from scratch once you move there!"

(HoKay. Sir. YOU DONT KNOW ME! YOU DONT KNOW MY LYFE!)

"Mmmmhmmm. Well yes, I hear it can be a great challenge for people!"

"Well, while you're in school what you have to do is choose relationships that have the potential to last a long time! You know.... a commitment!"

"Oh definitely. Sure. YES, well, SAM*, I certainly don't want to take up too much of your evening here, so I just want to tell you a little bit about the Discovery Scholars Fund...................."

He ended up donating, so no hard feelings here. But this is the kind of shit we ladies deal with all the time. I had a wonderful conversation the other day with one of my best girl friends and one of my best guy friends and as girls, we were saying how frustrating it is to feel this huge pressure to be college gals on the hunt for a ring by spring, and the male presence in the conversation was shocked by this - he was saying he doesn't think twice about marriage and has never worried about "deadlines" either. He encouraged us to not let society get us down and to be independent in thought and action. All very lovely sentiments that we indeed try to aspire to! But when every single relative at every single holiday asks you about a BOYFRIEND and WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DATE SOMEONE and YOU'RE SO PRETTY WHEN WILL YOU BRING SOMEONE FOR US TO MEET?! Our nerves get a little on edge. No significant other = no husband = no babies = no future. Sorry bout it. You lose. Fail.

So then (of course) I entertain the thoughts they've ninja'ed into my head and I think about life as a young, married WIFE. My mind flashes to the 50s and I think I feel myself break out in hives at the thought of it all. I mean, I can clean pretty well, I can polish silver....I can handle a vacuum like nobodies business! But when it comes down to the "Mom" and "Wife" stuff....I don't think I qualify! I have friends who are going to be divas and goddesses of their homes. They will walk around with their magic fingers and POOF! cookies will be made, children will know how to read by their 1st birthdays, they'll have a worshiping husband and they will be able to slay their daily projects at their fabulous jobs to top it all off.

I mean, lets be real here. One of the scariest things that I can think of is having to produce a meal every. single. day and every. single. night - for someone other than just ME! Here is what I am capable of producing for human consumption::

Crescent Rolls (from the can)
French Toast
Waffles
Pancakes
Hot dogs
Mac&Cheese
Cereal
Eggs - Scrambled, fried or omelet
Frozen pizza
Lean Cuisine

And that's kind of it. I've never even made chicken. If anyone would like to teach me how to cook, please, contact me. It'll be a date.

So anyway, old man river on the other end of my headset rattled my cage asking me about my future and my love life - a total stranger! But you know, considering that I am now officially half-way done with college, shits getting serious VARY fast. Pretty soon I am going to be a real-life college GRAD. Obviously I am NOT husband-shopping, and I don't think that I should be....but then again, should I be? What if he was right? What if I am destined to be one of those unhappy 40-somethings who partied hard in their 30s because they didn't need a man but then suddenly, they turn 40 and they realize they DO? So they stalk old flames or middle-aged dudes at sports bars, grasping desperately at their one last chance at a life time of happiness?!?
THE CLOCK IS TICKING LADIEZ
Aaaand I just vomited. 

Later in the evening I had the unfortunate luck of calling another "mature" adult, this time a woman:

"Hi! Ruth*! My name is Catherine, I'm a student at the University of Minnesota, calling alumni on behalf of the U this evening - How are you tonight!?"

"Well, not too good....My husband died and now I am ALONE"

and there you have it.



*names have been changed for confidentiality