Ashy

According to Google Images:: According to Urban Dictionary::   Ashy- "When a negro's skin so dry it looks like they a white folk who been workin' in a coal mine."  - Damn, Sheila skin be ashy.....she need some cocoa butter to moisten up. True statement. But this definition doesn't just apply to my darker-skinned friends. No, no. In the winter months, I am one ashy Sheila. I have always had dry skin. When I was little my hands would get so chapped in the winter they would start to crack and so my parents bought some heavy-duty lotion to solve the problem. This lotion was the devil's invention. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. A trusted brand for more than 90 years, Corn Huskers Lotion was originally created to heal the hands of farmers and apparently, people who husked corn in Iowa! So obviously, my parents got it trying to be helpful and to save my little hands from eminent frost bite/dryness/total deterioration. But let me tell you...I hated it so much. This lotion is not the nice, smooth, lightly scented kind of lotion normal people use. On the contrary! Its thicker and has a gel-like consistency and it smelled like corn - only worse, I cant even describe it - but it stunk, which made my hands stink too. So every night, after brushing my teeth I would go to my dad and he would cover my hands in the lotion and I would sit there and cry. This lotion was extreme. I mean, it burned like my hands were on fire. Every night I would argue that I didn't need the lotion but this was after I spent the evening complaining about how much my skin hurt...So every night I sat there, tears streaming down my face while my hands turned red under a thick-layer of Corn Huskers. And then, to make matters worse, sometimes I had to wear gloves to bed to seal in the moisture. Talk about nerd.   In high school I started developing a red, itchy rash on my wrists and forearms. Having no idea what it was, I started calling it "herpes of the arm"......... yeah....... My mom finally got fed up with me referring to it as "my herpes" and took me to the dermatologist. We found out it wasn't herpes at all! It was just your average case of eczema! Who knew?! I got prescribed this annoying gel to put on nightly, or until symptoms are gone. I did it for a while and then I got really annoyed with having to deal with it. Just like wearing a retainer, or flossing, you try to stick with it but soon you get sick of putting in the extra time and just quit altogether. So that's what I did. And for the most part, I haven't had too many eczema problems since! Despite getting rid of the eczema, I am still one ashy lady. For example: When I remove black leggings after a day of wearing them on non-moisturized skin, they look dusty. Yes. Its true. There is literally a slight dusting that can be shaken off. Disturbing. One time I went midnight sledding in very cold conditions and when I got back home, the skin on my chest was burning so much that I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the cold. I put on my special lotion and it started burning so hard that I thought my boobs were going to fall off. Then I started to cry as flashbacks of Corn Huskers flooded my mind. Sometimes, if I'm not wearing "full-coverage" underwear beneath my jeans (aka sportin' a thong), my booty literally gets chapped. HAWT.  During the winter, I have to choose my tops carefully because if a fabric is too rough, it causes my entire torso to cry out in pain due to over-exfoliation. For Christmas last year, one of my best friends gave me 2 different kinds of hardcore foot cream and a heal scrub because she "knew I needed it". Lets be honest though, I bring this upon myself - If I put in the time it takes to moisturize everyday, I probably wouldn't have a problem. But I don't. Its time consuming and after putting on lotion you cant do basic things like open a door knob thanks to your greasy hands. So I rarely lotion-up. If/when I do its because I have time to kill or I'm trying to impress a special someone. Ya feel me? (please don't though, because it hurts)
Good Luck on Finals!!

The Dying Swan

I once has a subscription for Pointe Magazine and at the end of each issue there was an interview with a dancer where they would ask the question, "What is your most memorable/meaningful dance performance?" and one month the dancer interviewed said "I was out in the street once and there was a demonstration, and I just had to be a part of it; so I danced the Dying Swan in my jeans and sweatshirt to no music...afterwords, an old man came up to me with tears in his eyes, thanking me for my performance. That was most memorable for me"

I don't know why, but as a junior-high-wanna-be ballerina, I could think of nothing more beautiful.

I was randomly watching dance videos today and came across this masterpiece. I may have started to cry. She is a goddess. AND I'm determined to name one of my future children Odette. Now you know.

Have a Lovely Weekend!

Intimate Relationships FSoS 1101

As I've mentioned previously, I have a campus job as a telemarketer for the University, calling alumni. I like the job substantially more than I did this summer, because:

A) I've gotten much better at it
B) I thoroughly enjoy my co-workers
C) I have a new "call center crush" once a week
D) I've started taking advantage of their endless/free hot chocolate supply

The other night, during our break, I was chatting with quite a few of my co-workers about a class offered at the U called, "Intimate Relationships". Apparently everyone and their grandma has taken the class and has loved it. Everyone was commenting about how they've learned their "love styles" and how to prevent "intimacy killers" in their relationships. One of my friends mentioned that she had in fact, learned what went wrong in her last relationship and now knows how to make different choices in the future.....Sounds like a real winner HUH?

By this point I was intrigued, especially considering its an easy-A, 4 credit course that fulfills multiple Lib Ed requirements! Plus who wouldn't want to do some self-exploration??

But then I made the fatal mistake of asking whether or not it helped to be in a relationship while taking the class...or if it was important to have at least been in a relationship to benefit fully from the course. My friend said "No...but that is kind of the base for the class, your final paper just might be more difficult to write"

The conversation moved forward and I was happy that no questioned my "relationship past" any further. Well looks like I jinxed it because not 2 minutes later one of my favorite callers asked, "Sorry...I don't mean to pry...BUT have you not? .... been in a serious relationship before?"

*DAMN.*

"Well, no. I haven't. I've never had a boyfriend"

At this point I swear to god the entire call center got quiet.

"Ohhhhhh! I'm sorry!!!" He said, giving me sad eyes that you give to someone whos puppy just died. "Do you want a hug!?"

*He is one of my fave callers, and I know that he is very sweet and means no harm but I'm sorry, why would I need a hug in this circumstance?!? Stop drawing attention to this topic!!*

"(uncomfortable laugh) No! That's OK! I'm not upset about it or anything, it's not a big deal, really!!"

"Well, can I have a hug anyway?"

"Sure"

*embrace*

Well, then my friend then asked for a hug...I should have stopped with the first pity-hug but I went for it anyway. She was sitting in one of those tippy office chairs, so when I bent over for the hug we tipped backwards and I almost took us both to the ground. She managed to hold me up but at this point everyone was staring. The worst part wasn't even the tipping back, it was the fact that my jeans are too loose and no-doubt slipped down low enough to reveal my neon teal thong. So now I'm the clumsy, thong-wearing, awkward, no-boyfriend caller. YEAH!

Before, I didn't think that the whole, "I've never had a boyfriend" thing was a big deal, people never really ask and I always have plenty of boy gossip and (I think) I give good boy-advice...Maybe I should have gotten the hint this past summer when my dad (bless his heart) was driving around with me and said, "So this next school year, maybe one of your goals could be to have a boyfriend.....Or maybe not a boyfriend! But maybe you could date some guys"
I told him I would work on it.
Well. Now its November of Sophomore year and I attend a University that educates just around 50,000 students....many of which are of the Male species and many of which are single. So now I'm starting to think there's an issue.

Apparently my computer thinks so too because recently a travesty of an ad popped up on my screen.....

In my Mass Communications class we discussed the fact that advertisers have started to track your online activity and then they target your specific interests when advertising to you. Lots of people tisk-tisked and said that they NEVER click on those....and my professor responded, "Well someone is, because advertisers are making billions off of them"

I am. I click on the ads.

For example, currently, the ads on the side of my Facebook page are the following:

Frozen Mexican Dinners!
* definitely applicable to my life

HUMOROUS JEWISH T-SHIRTS
*definitely applicable to my life, because I am a closeted Jew....but we can get to that later

The Rocky Horror GLEE Show
*goes without saying

HOT Shoes, JUST 39.99 at SHOEDAZZLE.com
*Shoe Dazzle is a company started by Kim Kardashian....aka definitely applicable to my life

So you get the idea.

But the other day....an add popped up that I should have closed out of and when prompted with the question, "You have removed this ad. Why didn't you like it?" I should have marked Offensive or Misleading or Other or all three.

But I didn't. I clicked on it. I was so utterly horrified.

It was an advertisement for a book. The title is:

Seeking Happily Ever After: Navigating the Ups and Downs of Being Single Without Losing Your Mind(and Finding Lasting Love Along the Way)

I almost cried. Which would actually probs put me further into their target demographic.

The author also wrote a book titled,

I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!

Well folks, that pretty much sums it up.

Rejection is My Way of Life

"The list is up" are words that make your heart race. It comes with the business but that doesn't make it any more fun: The Cast List. The Call-Back List. The List.

Its a little shit of a page. So plain, so small, so simple and yet the words on it carry so much weight. After every audition you leave with your head yelling at you:

"I didn't get in."

"That girl who went in before me had an awesome body. And great boobs. SHIT."

"No I think I did OK. They smiled, they looked genuine....I think they liked me"

"Tap dancing? I can tap! So why couldn't you think of anything to show them, HUH?"

"My song was out of tune...I know it"

"No seriously, I've talked with that director before! He liked me then - we had a great conversation that one time!"

"I didn't get in."

and so on and so on and so on.

But all these little doubts and insecurities mean nothing until you see the list. Most times there is a call-back and you go through another audition only this time, you usually get to see and judge all the people you're competing with. That's always fun.

But more times than not, you don't get a call back. Or you do and then you don't get in the show. And how do you find out? They post a List.

I have a List ritual consisting of a few ground rules:

1) Always go to the list alone.
- if people ask you to go with them DON'T
- this ensures that
a- if you get in and they don't, its not awkward.
b- if they get in and you don't, you don't strangle them right there
and c- if you both don't get in, no one can see you (possibly) start to cry

2) Always assume that you didn't make it.
- This way, you can never be disappointed. I know that goes against the Law of Attraction but I have made the mistake of feeling like I had an amaaazing audition and KNOWING 100% that I would get a call-back, and then I didn't. So that was awkward for me.

3) Check the list once.
-I always scan quickly for a C or an N

4) Check the list again.
-I carefully drag my finger from name to name carefully reading each one to see if its mine.

5) Check the list one last time.
- Then I go through and actually register names and connect them with faces and start to mentally picture all the people who beat me out for a spot in the cast.

6) Leave the area of wherever the List was posted with a slight smile, a Mona Lisa, if you will
- This way, no one can tell whether or not you made the cut
-If they want to know, they can read it themselves.
- Plus, if you did make it, you don't want to appear tooo happy or you will no doubt hurt someone's feelings

7) Always congratulate those who made it in - not to make them feel bad, but because bitterness is not a good look for anyone. Of course you can still stab them repeatedly in your mind - but that's the best part of being an actor....no one needs to know.

Rejection from a boy is one thing, but nothing makes you question yourself -- your abilities, your personal appearance, your talent, your training, your future, your life -- then rejection from your art.

We Should be Lovers

Pardon my absence. I've been terribly busy at the embassy and running to and from meetings with President Obama and Lady Gaga are far more time consuming than one would think!

I'm trying to get back into the swing of things on this here blog so let me start by addressing a college "basic"

Room Mates.

I was terrified to have a room mate this year; I like my space and I'm not afraid to say it. I like being able to walk around in my underwear and listen to terrible music with no shame. So when it came time to figure out housing for this year, I wanted to do everything possible to have my own space. Well long story short, that was not a possibility...so back to the dorms I went. My friend Lizi was in the same situation, so we ended up being roomies.

A lot of people said, "hopefully you'll be friends still when you're done living together"
.....
so supportive, right?

Well guess what? We are still friends and she doesn't mind when I walk around without pants on, and I don't mind her terrible music ;) so its kiiiind of a match made in heaven!

She is far better at doing homework than I am (in fact, as we speak, I think she thinks I'm doing homework, whereas I know that she is)

This happens a lot and sometimes I capture us in action:







Roomies for LYFE!

A Note on Bathroom Etiquette

Why is it that WHENEVER I'm in a stall, the person who comes in after me decides to go in the stall DIRECTLY NEXT to me? No matter how big the bathroom, no matter where I am, EVERY TIME. In a bathroom that has 40 stalls, someone decides to enter the one right next to me.

This happens no where else - for example, in a lecture hall: it is common courtesy to sit in every-other seat if possible (unless of course, you KNOW the person). Or in a Starbucks: if there are other chairs available, you sit in them VS. choosing the bar stool next to the ONLY other person in the joint.

I don't know what it is about women's restrooms. I get the whole thing about "going" with your friends/in groups etc. But REALLY...

Also, older women tend to blow their nose while going. Its like, OK we know whats really happening in there, no worries. No need to try to be all incognito about it - and like making the loudest noise possible by blowing your nose is really going to help you be discrete any way? If anything you just draw more attention to yourself.

AND my personal favorite: what makes it ok to talk on your cell phone while sitting on a public (because lets be honest, in the privacy of your own home, who cares?) toilet? A) that's not hygienic at all B) everyone can hear you complain to your mom C) your level of efficiency goes down at least 30%, and D) its just simply awkward. I walked into a bathroom today, and TWO girls were irritatingly chatting up a storm during their bathroom experience while I stood waiting; ready to pee my pants. There is a time and a place people.


School school school. It brings up so much to talk about.

Hope all of you students out there are loving your first couple days/weeks!

Good Morning, Professor

Walked into my first class today, "Creating the Performance". I was excited to see who the teacher was because our original Prof, Bob, was apparently replaced by a man named Dominic. Well was I ever surprised to see what I found:

first, I see a black man standing in the front of the room. ka-ching.

next, I see that he has dreads. aka cool factor. double ka-ching.

then. I see a baby. a little black baby. OHMYGAD.

Dominic then explains to us that the a fore mentioned baby is HIS baby, Cacious - pronounced Cash-ous (reminiscent of Caucasian, I know, so a little confusing, but lets not get racist here.) He had to bring him along because his wife is out of town... double awe.

So I have a very "nice-looking" professor who wears gold accessories, round glasses and has dreads. NOT TO MENTION he has a great speaking voice, and brought his baby to class - later, Dominic put Cacious in a Baby Bjorn and walked around with a sleeping infant attached to his person for the rest of the class.

Its going to be a great semester.

Goodbye 17, Goodbye 18, Hello Love

Well, I'm in the home stretch. The last year of my teen years has dawned and I'm ready. 19 is kind of an ugly number, I'll be the first to admit it. It lacks all sorts of significance and it's kind of creepy that 18 is over. 19 is total limbo. When I hear older women talk about their youth, they always reference ages 16, 17, and 18. Age 19 is nowhere to be found.

At 16 I thought the girls in my class were idiots for dating anyone because, God knows, they'd find someone new that they "loved" in 2 weeks {Boys were juvenile, and girls were clueless. And now, when I see a young teen couple, first I think, "Gag me." and then after a second, I think, "good for you for at least having a boyfriend in high school, at least you make each other happy....for now"} At 17, I was embarrassed to be reading Seventeen Magazine because I felt like my brain was shrinking from their unbelievably shallow articles. And at 18....well....I certainly don't think that I made a lot of mistakes; I didn't sleep around, I didn't experiment with any type of "club drug" and I definitely didn't fail a class because I was too busy socializing. My point is not to observe that 19 is my one last chance at hitting it home with jack-ass "teen" choices, rather, it is one of the last times to be blissfully immature.

I'm typically pretty worrisome about appearing immature, so I (usually) try to compose myself in a way that would please adults. This year, I look forward to not worrying about the "mature" or "responsible" thing to do and just deciding in that moment: what is best for me? After all, you're only young once. I look forward to NOT acting like a 30 year old women and instead acting like my age: a 19 year old girl. So Catherine? Wear that mini skirt, go to the party on a school night, dance with the guy, and take "Intro to Holistic Health and Healing" Why not? As we say in the theatre world: Fail. Fail big. Make a mistake because then you learn...its better to throw yourself into something and fail miserably for trying rather then going the safe route so you don't look like an ass.

I want to make 19 memorable. When I'm 80, I want to say, "I remember when I was 19...." I want to make (little) mistakes. I want to say "yes" to new opportunities. I want to take what ever is thrown at me. I want to learn from everyone. I want it alll.

wish wish wish. now, blow out the candles.

Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever
So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

Forever young, i want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever forever
Forever young, i want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever forever forever
Forever young, i want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever forever
Forever young, i want to be forever

Maaaajor Bananas.

I told myself I had to do something productive before I would allow myself to begin the 4th Season of Nip/Tuck....so voila! A post about Clothes.

Alright, so I thought Rachel Zoe was just an irritating, whiny, air-head, skeleton-zombie-monster. But that was after only 1 viewing of her show many moons ago - keeping judgments aside, I decided to give her another chance this evening. The show (The Rachel Zoe Project) is now in it's 3rd season, and I was happy to find that Rachel wasn't really the problem! All along it was actually the horribly bitchy Taylor, who ruined everything!Well guess what? She's gone - Thank Gawwwd. Now, it appears that Rachel's attitude is relatively normal, and apart from speaking like a drunk robot, I really loved her good humor and cutsie character! She is kinda fab. Not having to worry about how/why Taylor was working for a high-profile stylist but still sporting the hairstyle of an emo, angsty teenager, left ample brain space for me to love every second of the episode.

""Where did I leave my silly bandz???""

Here's the problem that I have with shows like The Rachel Zoe Project ....They make me want clothes. Scratch that. They make me NEED clothes. I'm the worst kind of addict. I like to *think* that I have pretty good taste in clothes and a good personal style...but I never really put it into action. On campus I just walk past girls who are really expressing themselves with fashion and yet I judge judge JUDGE. I might be walking around in yoga pants and a tshirt with flipflops but that does not stop me from thinking comments like the following:

"why are you dressed up? is this a fashion show? its 8am. on a MONDAY. this is a lecture of 500 students....good job, i noticed you."

*zing*

That being said, I DO however get huuuge girl crushes on amazingly-styled girls. If I have a class with an fabulously put together and fashionably unique girl....its like....Christmas. I would even go so far as to say its better than having a hot guy to stare at. I would. Usually (when the time is right...aka, at the end of the semester when I can be sure I wont have to see her everyday), I'll let her know how much I adore her look. I run the risk of sounding creepy, but I don't care - you can never go wrong with a compliment; at the very least, you'll make someone's day!


side note:

~~
One time, I was at a funeral with my whole family and I was sitting next to my equally, fashion-conscious-bitch of a sister (all love).... and while we were waiting for the funeral to begin, we watched as grieving women and men started filtering into the church. We were grieving too (it was a terribly sad funeral) but soon we started to whisper back and forth the things we were thinking individually::

"are you kidding me? black with navy blue? nice dude."
"do you see the women in the third pew? who, in their right mind wears pink to a funeral??"
"ok thats just rude...couldn't you find anything black? or gray? for god sakes anything dark?"
"is she trying to get a date out of this? her boobs are literally hanging out."
"trashy"
"i'm embarrassed for them"

We simultaneously realized that we are, in fact, terrible human beings and were now probably going to hell.

~~

Admittedly, these are horrible things to say, let alone THINK. It's something I have really tried to work on. Seriously. Its a problem I've had for a while (as you may remember this post). My a fore mentioned sister gave me a tip: You turn the negative thought into a positive - instead of scolding the individual, admire them for making such a bold outfit choice! I once read a quote where a girl said (referring to makeup in this case), "I would rather wear bold blue eyeshadow, letting people know who I am, instead of walking around looking like a big question mark"

real talk right there.

Sooo anyway. BACK to clothes.

As I've said before, all I do at my call-center job is read fashion magazines so let me tell you: I know what trends are hip hop happening and I want to get my creepy child hands on each and every one of them. The trouble? I NEVER ever EVER spend good money on clothes. Even though it is all that I want, I always decided that some other purchase is more important and that those boots, or those shirts are just toooo expensive.
*I.am.so.cheap. I will NOT buy a shirt that costs $30 BUT I'll spend almost $50 on shampoo and conditioner. What is my problem???*

The other night I went to Target with my sister (not the same one, a different one) a half hour before it closed (bad idea) and we went crazy looking at all the new stuff. Fall is THE season for fashion and Target knows what I want and what I need. In our haste we didn't waste time with fitting rooms and just tried on stuff over our clothes while running around trying to see everything. Finally a voice came over the intercom that said they were CLOSING. They actually turned off the lights while I was still looking over some sweaters which led me to legit run to where my sister was waiting to check out. The time crunch clouded my brain, allowing me to have a lapse in my normal consumer behavior, which led me to purchase two items: a skirt and a dress. My total was $59 dollars which almost gave me a heart attack, but I handed over the Visa anyway. At home, I re-tried on both items and decided the dress looked terrible and made a plan to return it.

So then the next day I returned my dress and they told me the money was back on my card. Yay. Later that day, I went to work and parked in my usual lot. After my shift, I headed over to the ATM and tried to take out the cash I needed to get out of my cash-only, $3.75 flat rate lot.

"You have insufficient funds to complete this transaction"

What.

I tried a lower amount.

"You have insufficient funds to complete this transaction"

Oh shit.

Well I guess Target was NOT prompt with my return AND I guess all those Starbucks/Caribou charges finally got deducted. Because all I had was $1.35 in my account. (ok duh. I know it takes at least 24hours for the cash to go back into your account, but I clearly was not thinking at the time)

How does this happen?

Oh yeah because I went out on a limb and purchased clothes that cost more than 15bucks.

Fashion Fail CATHERINE.

So what do I do whenever I'm in a jam? I call my sister who once again had to bail me out of my stupidity-induced situation. I know who I'm calling with my 1 phone call if I ever get thrown in the slammer.

You know what I need? Some more damn money. I think the best idea is for me to work an extra job at some fabulous store (like JCrew AHEM) so that I can get an insane discount and pour every paycheck into my clothing addiction. Don't think I'm kidding.

Goal #42728 for this school year: Invest in versatile, staple pieces for the wardrobe that may be more expensive, but in the long run, will last longer and go with more of the existing collection.

Goal #28290: start looking nicer for classes. stop judging and start being judged *woa*

Goal #1 create a solid budget to avoid more idiot situations.


nip/tuck...im coming for you.

Lovely Things

enjoy some beautiful pictures {ive built up quite a collection this summer}:::
















i die for a gorgeous bathroom...





what is it about macaroons? everyone seems obsessed...












from The Sartorialist:

so ballsy to wear silk pajamas as a glorified outfit in mid-day - beeeyond fabulous

enjoy the last tufts of summer xx