"The list is up" are words that make your heart race. It comes with the business but that doesn't make it any more fun: The Cast List. The Call-Back List. The List.
Its a little shit of a page. So plain, so small, so simple and yet the words on it carry so much weight. After every audition you leave with your head yelling at you:
"I didn't get in."
"That girl who went in before me had an awesome body. And great boobs. SHIT."
"No I think I did OK. They smiled, they looked genuine....I think they liked me"
"Tap dancing? I can tap! So why couldn't you think of anything to show them, HUH?"
"My song was out of tune...I know it"
"No seriously, I've talked with that director before! He liked me then - we had a great conversation that one time!"
"I didn't get in."
and so on and so on and so on.
But all these little doubts and insecurities mean nothing until you see the list. Most times there is a call-back and you go through another audition only this time, you usually get to see and judge all the people you're competing with. That's always fun.
But more times than not, you don't get a call back. Or you do and then you don't get in the show. And how do you find out? They post a List.
I have a List ritual consisting of a few ground rules:
1) Always go to the list alone.
- if people ask you to go with them DON'T
- this ensures that
a- if you get in and they don't, its not awkward.
b- if they get in and you don't, you don't strangle them right there
and c- if you both don't get in, no one can see you (possibly) start to cry
2) Always assume that you didn't make it.
- This way, you can never be disappointed. I know that goes against the Law of Attraction but I have made the mistake of feeling like I had an amaaazing audition and KNOWING 100% that I would get a call-back, and then I didn't. So that was awkward for me.
3) Check the list once.
-I always scan quickly for a C or an N
4) Check the list again.
-I carefully drag my finger from name to name carefully reading each one to see if its mine.
5) Check the list one last time.
- Then I go through and actually register names and connect them with faces and start to mentally picture all the people who beat me out for a spot in the cast.
6) Leave the area of wherever the List was posted with a slight smile, a Mona Lisa, if you will
- This way, no one can tell whether or not you made the cut
-If they want to know, they can read it themselves.
- Plus, if you did make it, you don't want to appear tooo happy or you will no doubt hurt someone's feelings
7) Always congratulate those who made it in - not to make them feel bad, but because bitterness is not a good look for anyone. Of course you can still stab them repeatedly in your mind - but that's the best part of being an actor....no one needs to know.
Rejection from a boy is one thing, but nothing makes you question yourself -- your abilities, your personal appearance, your talent, your training, your future, your life -- then rejection from your art.
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